I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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