Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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