my mouth tastes like poor choices
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
