dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize