me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
