Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
