yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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