ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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