I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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