I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize