My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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