i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
there is puke in my bra ... again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize