omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
