I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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