Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
