just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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