FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
