I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we should paint friendship bongs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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