haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
