K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
