he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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