Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
