It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
