Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dicks are not precious.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
