i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
