Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
