it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
