Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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