1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
