I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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