Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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