if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
