she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
