Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
