you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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