Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he thought i was a dude.
nutella sex= disaster
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
