I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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