i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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