i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
