awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
