I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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