You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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