he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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