who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
