hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize