All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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