tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
tell me about the eggs
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