Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
