Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who died my cat blue again?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
