Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
