Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
