there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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