He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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