she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
