I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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