Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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