I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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