I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
