He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There r osticjed everywhere
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were trust falling into bushes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
