If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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