I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize