so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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