i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
