i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize