Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
