STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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