Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
