i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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