woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Found your dick twin last night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
