Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
