Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize