So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
